More than once I've heard, from spiritual classes and from psychotherapy supervision, that we all have addictions. And more than once I've been around and participated in conversations where there was discussion about what consitutes an "addiction", and at what point it crosses the threshold of normalcy into a diagnosable problem. One conclusion that I've heard discussed is that for some reason society accepts certain addictions and rejects others, and some addictions just remain very well hidden. Addictions to money, position, possessions, etc. are acknowledged by society as normal or even favorable, whereas addictions to substances, sex and gambling are indications for intense treatment and recovery efforts. Another debate arises around determining the point at which substance use, for instance, is a problem. 2-3 drinks per week is considered acceptable and normal, but having 5 or more means it's time to reevaluate the situation. Or, 7-10 drinks per week is fine as long as work and relationships are not affected... There is so much grey in this area.
What has inspired me to write on this topic, though, is a recent realization of the irony in which we all live with regard to addictions. Society tends to frown upon those who have "addictions", as if this classification of people is any different than the rest of us. In terms of material life and material success, this dichotomy does make sense to an extent - because material success is predicated on wealth, family, and position - and these pursuits are considered admirable. But to push our thinking to the next level, the spiritual pursuit actually supersedes all these types of sense gratification. Viewing it this way has made me realize that any material pursuit for pleasure is all on the same level - and it is an addiction. Anything that distracts us from being focused on God 24/7 is a material addiction, and something that actually has the power to destroy our spiritual lives. One discriminating factor, and saving grace, is that there are certain material addictions that we can use in the service of God - and God has instilled in each of us a passion that we can tap into and use in a beautiful service. There are other material addictions that blatantly cannot be used in service and are always detrimental to spiritual life. I want to argue in favor of those who embark to recover from these detrimental addictions.
When someone enters into a 12 step program, the very first step to recovery requires the person to admit he has a problem that he himself cannot overcome, "that our lives have become unmanageable". That's a powerful, humbling statement - very hard to admit. We all want to think we have it under control. What I have been finding is that the majority of us, who do not have such overt addictions, are allowed to remain in the state of mind that tells us that we have a handle on our lives. We are allowed to deny the fact that we have an addiction that is driving us uncontrollably. We all have it. If we didn't, spiritual life would be so easy - we wouldn't be in this material world. But, one thing that I think gets overlooked - and I've seen so many people suffering because of it - is a profound understanding of how addicted we are. We cannot admit that we have an uncontrollable problem. Also, as we pursue our spiritual lives, we actually acquire a scapegoat. We can now fulfill our addictions in the name of God, and derive material happiness from it. But this happiness is still cheap - and ultimately unsustainable. Thus, we see many people fall down. Therefore, I would actually argue that we, who have "normal" addictions, might be in a worse position. We, the normal addicts, are allowed to continue living without challenging our self-serving motivations. I'm sure everyone can relate to this sentiment and has seen someone pursue their own agenda in the name of God. But I've found one of the hardest challenges I've faced is realizing that I am no exception. I am the rule. I hate being the rule. It's really hard sometimes to watch someone do something, or watch some situation play out that truly implicates that person. While others snarl and judge, I hear a voice inside me that says, "I know I'm capable of doing that exact same thing" - and by the grace of God, He's protected me and not subjected me to this kind of exposure and ridicule... and I have choice but to be humbled and grateful.
It is also very scary to know that I have no power to control my addiction - which is why I admire those working the 12 step program so much. It's living with the burden that at any moment, this monster could take over and I could act out of line, and my integrity would be compromised. Admitting to God that He is the only one who can manage us and keep us accountable, and protect us from ourselves is a relinquishment of power that sometimes actually feels wrong, or weak in some way. I battle with this constantly. But, what I have found is some faith in the very famous claim that "God is good". The more willing I am to become completely humiliated and ashamed of myself in front of God, and those who I confide in the most, the more I have realized how much God truly wants to see me happy, and actually shows me love and acceptance. Realizing that we are loved anyway is one of the most deeply fulfilling and enlivening experiences I've had so far in spiritual life. I really hope and pray that God never allows me to fall off His path, and that everyone, especially those already embarking on the journey of spiritual life, can know that it is deep in the darkness where we truly find light - and not to give up on ourselves, because God promises that He is there - He just wants us to see more clearly before revealing the next step of His plan.
