Challenged Faith

Our faith in God is constantly challenged.  Challenged, not for the purpose of convincing us that we are wrong for relying on God, but challenged for the purpose of having us realize that in fact we have very little faith in God, and what immense faith we have in our own agenda and what our senses perceive.

I have been developing a conception of God as He exists for me in this material world.  Often times I forget that while God is present here, that this world is in fact illusory.  It is full of corruption and sorrow.  I tend to fall into the trap of wanting to find my home here on Earth, with it "centered" around God.  But in actuality the key point and downfall of my thinking is that I am still searching for a home here on Earth.  I am not understanding or remembering that I ultimately do not have a home here and that everything external is subjected to the cycle of creation and destruction.

My heart is broken every time I am forced to see and remember that this world is broken.  But God has  a very sweet way of exposing reality for what it is, and simultaneously showing His presence and love.  For the first time in my devotional life, I am learning what it means when we are told to take shelter of Krishna and the devotees.  God speaks through those who are devoted to serving Him, and it's really beautiful for me to see just how many people are sincerely trying.  I've actually never felt so loved and supported.

This world also serves as a massive mirror into our own consciousness and depth.  When we stop and take a snapshot of our current life situation, we see what kind of energy we have attracted into our lives.  What makes this experience most interesting is that usually we see both light and darkness.  This can be very confusing.  I like to see myself as either good, or bad, not both.  And I am learning that actually I am both, and more importantly, that I am accepted as both.  This is where we learn what unconditional love is.  If we are never exposed, then we can never learn what love really is.  It has been my experience that God is desperately trying to help us see ourselves as we really are, and learn that we are loved anyway.

When we constantly take inventory of our hearts, our intentions and motivations, we are asking and allowing God to gain deeper access into our lives, and to mold us and guide us a certain way.

But the big challenge that is being asked of us is that we sit in the fire.. and allow ourselves to burn.  Our faith becomes even deeper and more convicted when we emerge from the fire alive, reshaped, and ultimately - better.